Hey, guys, today is a little bit of a chat. It’s going to be a little rambly and unfocused but its a post I needed to finally write.
As the title states, I’m a horrible blogger and I’m starting to be OK with that. When I decided to start this blog I told myself I wouldn’t pressure myself to blog or stress out about blogging. I’ve failed big time on both of these “goals”. I spend so much time thinking about my blog and what I want to do that I almost never do anything at all. Sometimes opening an empty blog page sends me so much anxiety that I avoid it at all cost and my blog sits empty for days to weeks to months and I HATE that,
When I started this blog I wanted a place where I could comfortably talk about things I love with a huge focus on books as my biggest pastime. However, somewhere down the line, I started to feel this internal pressure to make my blog something I wasn’t ready for it to be. I never made it official but I wanted to post 3-4 times a week because I saw others were posting that frequently or more. Some people even post daily and I wanted to be like them. That stress was causing so much anxiety and in return, I wasn’t posting more than once or twice every 2 weeks let alone even close to what I would have liked to post.
I initially jumped into blogging much faster than I wanted to because I was so excited to make my own space here on the internet. I didn’t really have a plan or an idea of where I was going or what I wanted to accomplish so I took a little hiatus to collect my thoughts to decide what I wanted to do. I knew that I didn’t want to stop blogging but I wasn’t sure what I was going to be doing here anymore. So I decided to take a minute and breath.
What are my goals?
- Share my thoughts and interact with other people
- Get the chance to spotlight my interests with a focus on LGBT+, POC, and Indie books (reviews, anticipated reads, etc.)
- Share my interests outside of books
- Write Book Recommendation posts(these are my favorite types of posts to read)
- Focus on posting blog posts that I want to share not what is popular
- Genre and Sub Genre walkthroughs
Taking a minute to evaluate what I wanted made this process a lot less scary.
I didn’t give myself any time to do this when I jumped into blogging so I’m letting myself take time to experiment with my blog without feeling guilty. I don’t feel comfortable setting a time frame for this because I don’t know how long this is going to take but I’m more excited than I ever have been to open up my blog and write. Actually putting this post out there will be such a relief even though I don’t think any of you feel that I’m a “horrible blogger” and it’s mostly internalized.
Since I have declared I’m a horrible blogger I should probably talk about what I think makes me a horrible blogger. I’m winging it I have no clue what I’m doing and when I press post I immediately regret it. I want to feel proud of what I put out there and a lot of the time I don’t because I rush through it and press post before I’m really happy with the post. Most of the time I don’t think about what I post before I sit down and write it. My typical routine is realizing I haven’t posted in a long time, panicking, word vomiting on to a page, posting and repeat.
Interaction has always been a huge part of blogging at least for me. I’m not talking comments on my blog (though those are nice) I mean interacting with other bloggers and readers either on their blogs, Twitter, or another format. Here’s where I really suck! I’m shy and anxious in real life and sometimes I can be even worst on the internet. I mean well and sometimes I will have an amazing confident day where I comment like crazy on people’s posts and feel really great about the interactions and other days I avoid leaving a comment because I fear that I’m bothering someone especially if the post isn’t the most recent thing they have shared. I know this feeling is irrational and reading peoples’ comments make my day so I am really working on this feeling so I can be a better blogger and friend.
One of my proudest things about myself is the fact that I read broadly and a little bit of everything. I especially love reading books that are diverse and/or Indie because I love supporting small press and sharing diverse books. However, I suck at promoting them as well as writing reviews and being an ally/member of some amazing groups. Books written by POC, LGBT+, and Indie authors aren’t shared and supported as loudly as other books and I really want to add my voice to that mix and give amazing writers more exposure.
Just writing this post has been such a freeing thing for me! While writing this post I have stopped so many time to write down ideas I have and things I want to try and I haven’t felt this buzzing of excitement blogging in a really long time and I am so excited to share with you guys some of the ideas I am having right now. I keep talking about things I ant to chance about my blog but there is a couple things that I really like including my Discovering Me feature on my blog. I really want to jump back into this series since its one of my favorites and I have a couple of ideas to continue with it. Besides that, I really like doing multiple wrap-ups versus monthly wrap up because I tend to read a lot in a month. I’m not sure how I’m going to adapt this but I know it isn’t working for me right now so it is currently on pause while I try to work out the kinks.
To sum this all up, I am trying! That is it that’s my TED talk. No, really I’m trying to be a better blogger. Taking a step back and not allowing myself to get worked up on my blog and vent how I am feeling really helped me feel like this space is mine again and my anxiety can’t control this space anymore. I’m excited again to post here and interact and be the blogger that I really want to be instead of the blogger my mind was trying to tell me I had to be. I don’t know what type of blogger I’m becoming but I’m excited to find out and take this journey in discovering my place here and I couldn’t be more excited.
Thank you for listening! This post means a lot to me,
See you all soon!